and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
