Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
