ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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