I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
