i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
there is glitter all over my balls
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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