Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
