Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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