I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
