its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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