We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
