even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
