She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
