So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
