i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My bed smells like the plague
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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