i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
