Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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