do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
