Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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