I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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