the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
