how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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