I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
