i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
