i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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