He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm experimenting with sincerity
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
