The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
