:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
