Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
