He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
