You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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