dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
