i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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