He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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