is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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