I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
