So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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