You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
