I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
