my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
