i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
