Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
