In America we eat man semen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
