I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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