watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
