i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
