it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
