bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
