I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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