my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
