my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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