i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
