I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My ass is underappreciated
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
