Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
