chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Couch. On fire.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
