Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
