Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
