i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
