I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
