Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
