Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
