so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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