i was rollin on her like bob the builder
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I checked into jail on foursquare
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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