I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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