So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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