I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
