A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
