I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
