Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
