I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
