8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
