She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
