It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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