More tranny stories later!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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