I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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