So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
