if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im holly from the hills drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize