You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
