Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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