There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
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Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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