Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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