this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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