At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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