I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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